虽然我知道我必须虚心地接受四面八方而且是毫无预警的批评,
但是你可以不要一直一直,不断不断地践踏我的自信心吗?
我好像在沙滩上堆砌着我的城堡,
你一过来,一脚就把所有东西都推散了。
我看着风中的沙,无可奈何。
所有批评都是我努力的动力,
但是我还是要保护我那无所谓的自尊心。
我知道我为我那不值钱的自尊心错过了很多。
但是请允许我任性。
我讨厌你。
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Saturday, December 17, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
J & D
My friends Jessie and Darren are getting married soon. Happy for them. Congratulation.
Read a statistic, it said the percentage for u to meet ur love ones is 0.0000000049%.
I'm pretty sure u both are the lucky one, because love has never been easy for most of the people.
Again, congratulation. ^^
Read a statistic, it said the percentage for u to meet ur love ones is 0.0000000049%.
I'm pretty sure u both are the lucky one, because love has never been easy for most of the people.
Again, congratulation. ^^
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
人渣
妈的,我很火大,真的很火大!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
为什么我总是遇人不淑?
今天早上收到那封简讯,我就很想捏死他!!!!!!!!
今年我遇到两个人渣,他们二位有女朋友了,但是还对我死缠烂打。
第一位人渣我就暂且放过他,由于远距离的关系,他只是在面子书上骚扰我,还没有威胁到我的人生安全。
如果我朋友再打电话告诉我你又想追求我,我很难保证我不会失去人类基本的风度,然后作出什么没礼貌的事情。
你和你女朋友没有感情,管我屁事啊!!!!!!!!!
你这种骑牛找马的臭男人,去死吧!!!!!!!!!!!
另外一位,是我时运低到谷底才会遇到他。
我一直问我自己前三百年是不是一件好事都没有干才会遇到这种人。
让我形容一下。
他的外表很老实,老实到一种程度,你会觉得他是毫无心机的人。
是一位基督徒,但我觉得他是假基督徒。
傻傻的个性,但其实是装傻。
满口歪理,这个宇宙最会讲歪理的人就是他了,我想连上帝也会讲输他吧。
不会分是非对错,因为任何时候他都是对的!!!!!
他是人猿时期,同时又是沙文主义的大男人。
老妖怪!!!!!
我倒霉。
被他看上。
你讲!死没有!!!
这一整年,他对我做的事实在是太多了,不能一一尽诉。
就说最近吧。
他之前就一直做一些奇奇怪怪的行为,说一些乱七八糟的话,有什么大小事都对我报告。
我还是对他非常礼貌,待他是个朋友。
但是最近他越来越过分。
到处去宣传他有几喜欢我,有多想做我男朋友。
你可以想象一天有四位不同科系的同学来告诉我他有多好,要我接受他。
妈的,你想用群众压力来逼我就范吗???
上课时还传‘爱的字条’给我,让全部人起哄,要我接受他!!!!!
当时,我很想死!!!
我的朋友看不过眼,训了他几句。
告诉他,他是有女朋友的,这样做不是很好。
你知道人渣讲什么吗??
他说他有权利认识,结交 ,甚至跟其他女人交往,只要最后懂得回家就是好男人。
听到这种歪理,我无言。
这种用下体思考的男人,凭什么拥有感情!!!!
凭什么让别人去爱他????
他知道他有多伤他女朋友的心吗??
我好心疼他的女朋友,真是长了狗眼才会认识到他。
我很厉害哦。
照我的性格,我早就杀了他,不会让他活到明天。
但是,我不想为了这些人渣失去我一直培养的气质。
所以我忍。
我一直告诉我自己我是很有教养的,不要跟动物计较。
今天早上,我又收到他的简讯,提醒我记得带这,记得带那。
好像已经登堂入室做了我的男人一样。
本来昏昏欲睡的我,马上清醒得像什么发生一样,可能因为火气冲上脑的关系吧。
我真的很生气。
幸好今天是最后一天,我以后都不会再看到他的死脸。
但是我还是有一点隐忧,因为他也选择了马六甲为他教书的地点。
上帝,请怜悯我这个小小人物,
不要再让我遇见他,我不想无端端做了人家的小三。
无尽感谢,阿门。
为什么我总是遇人不淑?
今天早上收到那封简讯,我就很想捏死他!!!!!!!!
今年我遇到两个人渣,他们二位有女朋友了,但是还对我死缠烂打。
第一位人渣我就暂且放过他,由于远距离的关系,他只是在面子书上骚扰我,还没有威胁到我的人生安全。
如果我朋友再打电话告诉我你又想追求我,我很难保证我不会失去人类基本的风度,然后作出什么没礼貌的事情。
你和你女朋友没有感情,管我屁事啊!!!!!!!!!
你这种骑牛找马的臭男人,去死吧!!!!!!!!!!!
另外一位,是我时运低到谷底才会遇到他。
我一直问我自己前三百年是不是一件好事都没有干才会遇到这种人。
让我形容一下。
他的外表很老实,老实到一种程度,你会觉得他是毫无心机的人。
是一位基督徒,但我觉得他是假基督徒。
傻傻的个性,但其实是装傻。
满口歪理,这个宇宙最会讲歪理的人就是他了,我想连上帝也会讲输他吧。
不会分是非对错,因为任何时候他都是对的!!!!!
他是人猿时期,同时又是沙文主义的大男人。
老妖怪!!!!!
我倒霉。
被他看上。
你讲!死没有!!!
这一整年,他对我做的事实在是太多了,不能一一尽诉。
就说最近吧。
他之前就一直做一些奇奇怪怪的行为,说一些乱七八糟的话,有什么大小事都对我报告。
我还是对他非常礼貌,待他是个朋友。
但是最近他越来越过分。
到处去宣传他有几喜欢我,有多想做我男朋友。
你可以想象一天有四位不同科系的同学来告诉我他有多好,要我接受他。
妈的,你想用群众压力来逼我就范吗???
上课时还传‘爱的字条’给我,让全部人起哄,要我接受他!!!!!
当时,我很想死!!!
我的朋友看不过眼,训了他几句。
告诉他,他是有女朋友的,这样做不是很好。
你知道人渣讲什么吗??
他说他有权利认识,结交 ,甚至跟其他女人交往,只要最后懂得回家就是好男人。
听到这种歪理,我无言。
这种用下体思考的男人,凭什么拥有感情!!!!
凭什么让别人去爱他????
他知道他有多伤他女朋友的心吗??
我好心疼他的女朋友,真是长了狗眼才会认识到他。
我很厉害哦。
照我的性格,我早就杀了他,不会让他活到明天。
但是,我不想为了这些人渣失去我一直培养的气质。
所以我忍。
我一直告诉我自己我是很有教养的,不要跟动物计较。
今天早上,我又收到他的简讯,提醒我记得带这,记得带那。
好像已经登堂入室做了我的男人一样。
本来昏昏欲睡的我,马上清醒得像什么发生一样,可能因为火气冲上脑的关系吧。
我真的很生气。
幸好今天是最后一天,我以后都不会再看到他的死脸。
但是我还是有一点隐忧,因为他也选择了马六甲为他教书的地点。
上帝,请怜悯我这个小小人物,
不要再让我遇见他,我不想无端端做了人家的小三。
无尽感谢,阿门。
Thursday, November 17, 2011
my linear life
After finished all the exams, I still have one course and one interview to go.
Exhausted. I need to run away, but I dunno where to go.
Maybe a trip??
Exhausted. I need to run away, but I dunno where to go.
Maybe a trip??
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
外婆
外婆进院了。
每回和表妹通电话,她都会忍不住哭出来。
我不知道如何安慰她,就好像我不知道如何安慰自己一样。
我以为大家都不在意外婆的情况,没想到表妹还会为外婆的病情哭泣。
外婆有什么病?
其实不是生病,只是衰老了,身体不听使唤了。
外婆在我的生命里是一位很重要的长辈。
她让我看见一个女人的一生
看见疼爱
看见无助
看见坚强
看见刻苦
看见衰老
我一直有一种错觉,我觉得外婆最疼我了。
因为我最像男生,而她老人家最想有男孙。
所以我也爱外婆多一点。
外婆住在我们家有一年了吧。
在这一年也发生了很多事。
这些事情让我长大不少。
我曾经以为我是一位善良,爱心满满的女孩
一直到我要照一位顾饮食起居有问题的外婆
我才知道我是一个多么丑陋的人
我妈要我帮外婆洗澡的时候,
我的内心是多么地嫌弃
多么不愿意去面对一个年老的胴体
也不知道手应该放在什么位置
就草草了事地冲冲水就算了
一直到时间让我习惯了这一切
我会很仔细地帮外婆洗头
就连洗屁股和私处
也不是一种很新奇的事了
在洗澡间里,我们还会一边洗一边讲冷笑话
外婆也很开心地在玩水
老实说,她真的很爱洗澡耶~
外婆在经历着衰老的同时,也让我学会了成长。
原来我们都会老
原来年老是多么地无助
原来我们都需要爱
朋友,谁想让别人来帮自己洗澡?
他们是没有能力了,无法使力,才需要我们的帮助
如果你家有老人家,请爱他们
生老病死,我们逃不了
但是无论是在地上或天上
我都希望可以遇见你
一不小心我们就天荒地老
阿婆,我很爱很爱你~
每回和表妹通电话,她都会忍不住哭出来。
我不知道如何安慰她,就好像我不知道如何安慰自己一样。
我以为大家都不在意外婆的情况,没想到表妹还会为外婆的病情哭泣。
外婆有什么病?
其实不是生病,只是衰老了,身体不听使唤了。
外婆在我的生命里是一位很重要的长辈。
她让我看见一个女人的一生
看见疼爱
看见无助
看见坚强
看见刻苦
看见衰老
我一直有一种错觉,我觉得外婆最疼我了。
因为我最像男生,而她老人家最想有男孙。
所以我也爱外婆多一点。
外婆住在我们家有一年了吧。
在这一年也发生了很多事。
这些事情让我长大不少。
我曾经以为我是一位善良,爱心满满的女孩
一直到我要照一位顾饮食起居有问题的外婆
我才知道我是一个多么丑陋的人
我妈要我帮外婆洗澡的时候,
我的内心是多么地嫌弃
多么不愿意去面对一个年老的胴体
也不知道手应该放在什么位置
就草草了事地冲冲水就算了
一直到时间让我习惯了这一切
我会很仔细地帮外婆洗头
就连洗屁股和私处
也不是一种很新奇的事了
在洗澡间里,我们还会一边洗一边讲冷笑话
外婆也很开心地在玩水
老实说,她真的很爱洗澡耶~
外婆在经历着衰老的同时,也让我学会了成长。
原来我们都会老
原来年老是多么地无助
原来我们都需要爱
朋友,谁想让别人来帮自己洗澡?
他们是没有能力了,无法使力,才需要我们的帮助
如果你家有老人家,请爱他们
生老病死,我们逃不了
但是无论是在地上或天上
我都希望可以遇见你
一不小心我们就天荒地老
阿婆,我很爱很爱你~
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
你是不是不敢
你是不是不敢
从小就不敢对别人的要求说不
不敢反对老师说的歪理
不敢看着别人的眼睛
不敢逃学
不敢顶嘴
长大后,
不敢放弃自己不会的化学物理
不敢跟爸爸说不要读自己不喜欢的科系
不敢离开自己不喜欢的工作
不敢对抗自己的老板
然后,不敢离开已经没有感情的伴侣。。。
今天,我不是要指责或贬低不敢说不的人。
只想说在‘不敢’的里头隐藏着许许多多的苦衷。
我们和他们需要多少的勇气和力量把 ‘不’ 吞进肚子里。
但是,生命太短太短了。
朋友,我们今天放轻松一点,深呼吸,做自己想做的,吃自己想吃的,玩自己想玩的
偶尔,出大海畅游一番,遇到大白鲨就躲进自己的龟壳,这样也不错啊^^
从小就不敢对别人的要求说不
不敢反对老师说的歪理
不敢看着别人的眼睛
不敢逃学
不敢顶嘴
长大后,
不敢放弃自己不会的化学物理
不敢跟爸爸说不要读自己不喜欢的科系
不敢离开自己不喜欢的工作
不敢对抗自己的老板
然后,不敢离开已经没有感情的伴侣。。。
今天,我不是要指责或贬低不敢说不的人。
只想说在‘不敢’的里头隐藏着许许多多的苦衷。
我们和他们需要多少的勇气和力量把 ‘不’ 吞进肚子里。
但是,生命太短太短了。
朋友,我们今天放轻松一点,深呼吸,做自己想做的,吃自己想吃的,玩自己想玩的
偶尔,出大海畅游一番,遇到大白鲨就躲进自己的龟壳,这样也不错啊^^
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
我不要变成一颗树
有一个古老的传说:一个人如果等了一生都没能等到自己要等的人,却又始终不死心放不下,便会化作一棵树,在原地年复一年地等待。得不到爱情,上天便给了她天长地久的永恒。
哈哈,上帝,我可以不要这样吗? 我不要变成一颗树。
我宁愿在树下和他偶遇,然后说:“哦,原来你也在这里喔。”
哈哈,上帝,我可以不要这样吗? 我不要变成一颗树。
我宁愿在树下和他偶遇,然后说:“哦,原来你也在这里喔。”
Monday, August 22, 2011
Together we create a beautiful world ^^
I went to my friend's room and found that she is using a last-century laptop. The keyboard is broken so she brought a portable keyboard to replace it. It is so bulky and inconvenient for me. Then I just asked her, why don't you just buy a new one?
What she said made me feel shameful.
She explained the whole process of how to make a laptop. In a nutshell, she wanted to tell me that the ingredients that they use to make a laptop are undegradable and it is very harmful to the environment. Therefore, if the things that she is using are still functioning, she won't throw it away easily.
I stayed still and looked at her quietly, I suddenly felt that she is very very special. I thought nobody cares about the environment, I mean, who cares?? Who cares if those African children are starving to death and number is hitting 40 billions. Who cares if the Indians in India are selling their kidneys just to get RM2600 to support their family?
We read news everyday and we can just get this info anytime but who really does care about something which is basically not our business? And she made me feel like.....yes, somebody does care and they are doing their parts just to make some minor changes.
I'm so proud to have her as my friend.
And I promise I will definitely think twice twice twice before I throw or buy something. XD
What she said made me feel shameful.
She explained the whole process of how to make a laptop. In a nutshell, she wanted to tell me that the ingredients that they use to make a laptop are undegradable and it is very harmful to the environment. Therefore, if the things that she is using are still functioning, she won't throw it away easily.
I stayed still and looked at her quietly, I suddenly felt that she is very very special. I thought nobody cares about the environment, I mean, who cares?? Who cares if those African children are starving to death and number is hitting 40 billions. Who cares if the Indians in India are selling their kidneys just to get RM2600 to support their family?
We read news everyday and we can just get this info anytime but who really does care about something which is basically not our business? And she made me feel like.....yes, somebody does care and they are doing their parts just to make some minor changes.
I'm so proud to have her as my friend.
And I promise I will definitely think twice twice twice before I throw or buy something. XD
Monday, August 15, 2011
My room
This might be the first thing that I wanna buy for myself.....a reading room.
This is a nobody-can-enter room.
I will treasure all my stuff in this room.
Spend my afternoon here.
Take my nap here.
Read my books.
Write my first novel here.
Talk to my Father here........
I think my saving is just enough for me to buy a window.....lolz...keep chasing my dream^^
This is a nobody-can-enter room.
I will treasure all my stuff in this room.
Spend my afternoon here.
Take my nap here.
Read my books.
Write my first novel here.
Talk to my Father here........
I think my saving is just enough for me to buy a window.....lolz...keep chasing my dream^^
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Dream
Maybe this is just a dream, I've never grown up.
Suddenly the bell rings, I wake up and realise that I just fell asleep in the classroom.
I'm still in 2004.
Yee Hui shouts at me and says :"Hey, wake up la, let's go makan!!"
Suddenly the bell rings, I wake up and realise that I just fell asleep in the classroom.
I'm still in 2004.
Yee Hui shouts at me and says :"Hey, wake up la, let's go makan!!"
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I am good??
I don't know why I always get compliments that I don't deserve it. For example, I put little,seriously very little effort to do my teaching plans, but my supervisors, principal and lectures said I did very WELL. I read my teaching plans severe times, but I didn't find anything special in it.
I am good?? I doubt it......I'm getting famous now because of my great teaching plans and the fear is approaching me slowly....
I am good?? I doubt it......I'm getting famous now because of my great teaching plans and the fear is approaching me slowly....
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Baby Kimgres
I went to the celebration of a newborn baby of my friend last week. His name is Kimgres.
Still remember last year December, one day my friend called and told me she was pregnant. she sounded so dead and nervous because this was totally out of her plan.
She didn't know how to tell her parents and felt lost at that time.
It was hard but we all insisted to keep the baby.
Along these few months, full with bittersweet memories. Luckily, they are so strong and help each others and try to build their new family.
When I was holding the baby, wow......it was incredibly amazing. I could touch him and felt his breath. His hands was so small and it looked so fragile. He was so tiny until you couldn't help yourself to hold him tightly and afraid that your every little movement would hurt him.
I'm so proud of my friend and love her so much. I know this will be a new journey in her life.
Life has never been kind to us, so let us hold our hands together and go through it.
Happiness is awaiting us ahead. ^^
Still remember last year December, one day my friend called and told me she was pregnant. she sounded so dead and nervous because this was totally out of her plan.
She didn't know how to tell her parents and felt lost at that time.
It was hard but we all insisted to keep the baby.
Along these few months, full with bittersweet memories. Luckily, they are so strong and help each others and try to build their new family.
When I was holding the baby, wow......it was incredibly amazing. I could touch him and felt his breath. His hands was so small and it looked so fragile. He was so tiny until you couldn't help yourself to hold him tightly and afraid that your every little movement would hurt him.
I'm so proud of my friend and love her so much. I know this will be a new journey in her life.
Life has never been kind to us, so let us hold our hands together and go through it.
Happiness is awaiting us ahead. ^^
Monday, June 27, 2011
厄运
最近衰事连连,衰到我快顶不顺了!!!
无端端,我的橱被撬开,很多贵重物品被偷了。
朋友叫我忍,父母叫我忍,姐妹叫我忍。。。。连校方也叫我忍。
好不容易找到偷我东西的人,隔着电话,她说:“是我偷的,又怎样??!!你能奈我何。”
突然间发现,我真的无能为力。就这样眼睁睁地放了那头魔鬼。
隔不久,连新买的雨伞也被偷了。我无语问苍天。
昨天落枕,颈项痛了一天,脸也黑了一天。
吃饭啃到,喝水呛到。
今天还无辜被卷入别人的是非,bullshit man!!!!
我的宿舍已经一个星期制水了,我现在连刷牙也要花钱买矿泉水,洗澡要走到世界的另一个角落才找到水源。
我不知道我得罪谁,我很想死,就现在!!!
我并非无病呻吟,我真的感觉得到厄运正在跟随着我。
人有三衰六旺,如果我明天连走路也会摔跤,那么我的“三衰”应该还没有过完。
“六旺”,姐姐正等着你呢,不要让我久等哦~~~~~
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Selfish
Selfish. This is the word that I encountered so much in this month.
A friend was bitching about me and said I'm a selfish person because I didn't take good care of my another friend.
I wasn't angry, seriously.
I personally think that all my friends are able to take good care of themselves. They don't need me all the time.
But I'm just curious, why there are people like to attack me and give 'names' or 'adjectives' on me.
I'm a good person, do you agree? ^^
Words were like poison and I started to doubt myself and reflect on my behaviours. Maybe I was wrong....maybe I'm a selfish evil person.
Until I talked to my sister, she said "Do you know the definition of selfish?"
"You'd been called selfish because you couldn't fulfill their needs."
"If I wanted to borrow your book and you rejected me, then I said you are selfish. Why?? Because you couldn't fulfill what I want."
Haha, my sister is just 20 years old.
I should listen to her and stop judging myself.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Heaven VS Hell
Back to my 'oven' and realized that I didn't update my blog for a long long time.
Nothing special lately....I was having fun learning how to do bandage and CPR last last week and will be the facilitator in the coming international camp. I hope I did learn well and will be manage to explain to those teenagers who come from other countries.
Practically, I am a hockey player now, will be a professional one soon, I think lah ^^ Why I said so, because we have to learn the skills and techniques for almost 4 hours a week. It is too much for me, therefore, I think I will be an expert soon. Initially, I hate it because I play badminton better.....but now, I LOVE IT. Chasing a hockey ball on the big field has become a way for me to release my stress. And we always create a lot of laughter and jokes on the field.
Went back last week and planned to celebrate Mother's day with my mum but my uncles and aunties came without giving us a hint. So, we all went out to have lunch at Ye Xiang restaurant. My mum didn't want to go celebrate anymore after that as she didn't want to spend so much in a day. Haiz.....somebody screwed up my Mother's Day.
Talking about my aunts, I don't know why they always like to compare their children's result and show off how excellent their are. It is enough if you compare among your children, why do you still want to compare with us, with our friends and our NEIGHBOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was really mad when they asked my sister, "Huh, you are not the top student ah??" "If you are not a top student, why do you still want to aim for 10 As in your SPM?"
Screw you people!!!!!!!!!!!! What's wrong if my sister is not a top student and still want to aim for 10 As. Do you all know that you always put down my sister's confidence every time after your visit??!!!
The most ridiculous thing was she said " If you can't be a doctor, be a lawyer lah!"
WTH.......why do we need to choose either doctor or lawyer?? There is no other occupations on this earth ald??
Of course I know money and status are very very extremely important for you and me to live on this earth, but not all people want to be a doctor or lawyer, ok~ Luckily we all have strong hearts, if not, definitely we would get heart attack after the lunch.
P/S: Opps.....sorry, I din mean to spread the negative aura here but I just couldn't help it ^^ Happy reading~
Nothing special lately....I was having fun learning how to do bandage and CPR last last week and will be the facilitator in the coming international camp. I hope I did learn well and will be manage to explain to those teenagers who come from other countries.
Practically, I am a hockey player now, will be a professional one soon, I think lah ^^ Why I said so, because we have to learn the skills and techniques for almost 4 hours a week. It is too much for me, therefore, I think I will be an expert soon. Initially, I hate it because I play badminton better.....but now, I LOVE IT. Chasing a hockey ball on the big field has become a way for me to release my stress. And we always create a lot of laughter and jokes on the field.
Went back last week and planned to celebrate Mother's day with my mum but my uncles and aunties came without giving us a hint. So, we all went out to have lunch at Ye Xiang restaurant. My mum didn't want to go celebrate anymore after that as she didn't want to spend so much in a day. Haiz.....somebody screwed up my Mother's Day.
Talking about my aunts, I don't know why they always like to compare their children's result and show off how excellent their are. It is enough if you compare among your children, why do you still want to compare with us, with our friends and our NEIGHBOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was really mad when they asked my sister, "Huh, you are not the top student ah??" "If you are not a top student, why do you still want to aim for 10 As in your SPM?"
Screw you people!!!!!!!!!!!! What's wrong if my sister is not a top student and still want to aim for 10 As. Do you all know that you always put down my sister's confidence every time after your visit??!!!
The most ridiculous thing was she said " If you can't be a doctor, be a lawyer lah!"
WTH.......why do we need to choose either doctor or lawyer?? There is no other occupations on this earth ald??
Of course I know money and status are very very extremely important for you and me to live on this earth, but not all people want to be a doctor or lawyer, ok~ Luckily we all have strong hearts, if not, definitely we would get heart attack after the lunch.
P/S: Opps.....sorry, I din mean to spread the negative aura here but I just couldn't help it ^^ Happy reading~
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Is this Your will?
How many 'loves' have been destroyed by religions and believes?
Two people have over come the problems of race, status and stereotypes. The last challenge is religion. And this defeated two of them, and they became stranger since then.
My Malay friend told me her story today. She fell in love with a orang asli who is a Christian. They struggled so much to come to the end --- marriage. Their Gods stopped them to be together. And they followed their Gods' will.
Suddenly, I understand. We human are not as strong as we thought. We are terribly weak. Religions and believes are the things that we hold so tight in our hand, and we will not let it go so easily even though the person we love the most is standing in front of us.
It is sad, isn't?
Father, is this Your will??
Two people have over come the problems of race, status and stereotypes. The last challenge is religion. And this defeated two of them, and they became stranger since then.
My Malay friend told me her story today. She fell in love with a orang asli who is a Christian. They struggled so much to come to the end --- marriage. Their Gods stopped them to be together. And they followed their Gods' will.
Suddenly, I understand. We human are not as strong as we thought. We are terribly weak. Religions and believes are the things that we hold so tight in our hand, and we will not let it go so easily even though the person we love the most is standing in front of us.
It is sad, isn't?
Father, is this Your will??
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
weekly report
What I was/am doing lately??
1. I went to Jessie's convo last last week.
2. shopping and bought myself a skirt and a dress.
3. doing my assignments and starting to like my job.
4. mastering my driving skills, but still need some time.
5. try not to be judgmental.
6. follow the news in Japan everyday.
7. hug and hold my grandma's hands before she goes to bed.
8. Believe in fairy tales.
9. gather with my ji mui.
10. Be smart.
1. I went to Jessie's convo last last week.
2. shopping and bought myself a skirt and a dress.
3. doing my assignments and starting to like my job.
4. mastering my driving skills, but still need some time.
5. try not to be judgmental.
6. follow the news in Japan everyday.
7. hug and hold my grandma's hands before she goes to bed.
8. Believe in fairy tales.
9. gather with my ji mui.
10. Be smart.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
我的志愿
当时的我才二年级,看着黑板上的题目,心里已有几个答案。
年纪小小的我在稿纸上写下我的志愿 : 作家。
我的志愿很浪漫吧!小个子的妞并不知道这不是一个志愿,是一个梦想。
在长大的过程中,有老师的称赞,也有同学们的诋毁。
有一位同学跟我讲过:“想当作家哦??不要发梦啦,你又不是写得很好。”
我忘记当时我是以什么表情去面对这位同学,但是我的心情犹如天堂的水库破洞一样,将我从头到脚都淋湿了,连底裤内衣全湿透了。
被否定的感觉,记忆犹新。
从那天起,我就很少提起笔写作。说穿了,我介意别人的看法。
记得有一次,我将我写的文字贴在我的铁铅笔盒中,被同学翻出来看。事情就发生在几秒中,阻止也阻止不了,他们就看了我的散文。我最讨厌那些路人在没有经过我的同意之下碰我的东西。
可笑的是,我的同学竟然杀出一句:“静娴,这一篇东西你是从哪里抄回来的?”
我将纸抢回来后说:"是啊,从报纸上抄回来的。” 事情就这样结束了,而这一次是我否定了自己。
今天,为什么我会突然想起这些无所谓的事呢?我想有时候应该听听自己的声音,在喧哗的人群中找到自己。
年纪小小的我在稿纸上写下我的志愿 : 作家。
我的志愿很浪漫吧!小个子的妞并不知道这不是一个志愿,是一个梦想。
在长大的过程中,有老师的称赞,也有同学们的诋毁。
有一位同学跟我讲过:“想当作家哦??不要发梦啦,你又不是写得很好。”
我忘记当时我是以什么表情去面对这位同学,但是我的心情犹如天堂的水库破洞一样,将我从头到脚都淋湿了,连底裤内衣全湿透了。
被否定的感觉,记忆犹新。
从那天起,我就很少提起笔写作。说穿了,我介意别人的看法。
记得有一次,我将我写的文字贴在我的铁铅笔盒中,被同学翻出来看。事情就发生在几秒中,阻止也阻止不了,他们就看了我的散文。我最讨厌那些路人在没有经过我的同意之下碰我的东西。
可笑的是,我的同学竟然杀出一句:“静娴,这一篇东西你是从哪里抄回来的?”
我将纸抢回来后说:"是啊,从报纸上抄回来的。” 事情就这样结束了,而这一次是我否定了自己。
今天,为什么我会突然想起这些无所谓的事呢?我想有时候应该听听自己的声音,在喧哗的人群中找到自己。
Thursday, March 3, 2011
It sucks~
Sometimes it sucks being strong.Because when people know that you are strong, they think that it is okay to hurt you, over and over again.
Monday, February 28, 2011
一个人
一个人总要走陌生的路,看陌生的风景,听陌生的歌,然后在某个不经意的瞬间,你会发现,原本是费尽心机想要忘记的事情真的就那么忘记了。 幸福,不是长生不老,不是大鱼大肉,不是权倾朝野。幸福是每一个微小的生活愿望达成。当你想吃的时候有得吃,想被爱的时候有人来爱你。
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
当你老了---叶芝
当你老了,头白了,睡意昏沉,
炉火旁打盹,请取下这部诗歌,
慢读,回想你过去眼神的柔和,
回想它们昔日沉重的阴影。
多少人爱你青春欢畅的时辰,
爱慕你的美丽,假意或真心。
只有一个人爱你那朝圣者的灵魂,
爱你衰老了的脸上痛苦的皱纹。
垂下头来,在红光闪耀的炉子旁,
凄然地轻轻诉说那爱情的消逝,
在头顶的山上它缓缓踱着步子,
在一群星星中间隐藏着脸庞。
P/S: Love this poem~
炉火旁打盹,请取下这部诗歌,
慢读,回想你过去眼神的柔和,
回想它们昔日沉重的阴影。
多少人爱你青春欢畅的时辰,
爱慕你的美丽,假意或真心。
只有一个人爱你那朝圣者的灵魂,
爱你衰老了的脸上痛苦的皱纹。
垂下头来,在红光闪耀的炉子旁,
凄然地轻轻诉说那爱情的消逝,
在头顶的山上它缓缓踱着步子,
在一群星星中间隐藏着脸庞。
P/S: Love this poem~
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Questions~
Muslims are not allowed to celebrate Valentine's Day. I just knew it this morning. I had a small discussion with my Malay friends after class. They said Valentine's Day has some relations with Christianity, therefore, they are not allowed to celebrate it.
Moving on, we once again touched the topic about Jesus. I heard it before but they stressed it once again to me....If I believe that Jesus is my Savior, I will go to hell. Her face expression just so sure and looked as same as when I met Pastor Chin for the first time. He said he is so sorry to tell me that whoever does not believe in Jesus will go to hell.
Before I became a Christian, I didn't care if I were to go to hell because who can guarantee that we will get peace in heaven. Hell or heaven are the same for me.
After three years of learning about Jesus from my friends, I desire more to know about God and would like to meet Him if He allows.
Actually, I feel like I can't do anything to change the situation but only pray. Why they don't believe that He did sacrifice himself for us?? Does hell have bigger space than heaven?? Why we human have problems in explaining what is right or wrong to the others??
Why?
Why?
Why?
I don't wanna answer these questions, this is way too far beyond my intelligence to answer it.
En Yi told me to have faith and actually I have nothing but only simple faith towards God.
Is this too sensitive to be discussed?? Sorry if you think this is sensitive~
Happy Valentine to all~
Moving on, we once again touched the topic about Jesus. I heard it before but they stressed it once again to me....If I believe that Jesus is my Savior, I will go to hell. Her face expression just so sure and looked as same as when I met Pastor Chin for the first time. He said he is so sorry to tell me that whoever does not believe in Jesus will go to hell.
Before I became a Christian, I didn't care if I were to go to hell because who can guarantee that we will get peace in heaven. Hell or heaven are the same for me.
After three years of learning about Jesus from my friends, I desire more to know about God and would like to meet Him if He allows.
Actually, I feel like I can't do anything to change the situation but only pray. Why they don't believe that He did sacrifice himself for us?? Does hell have bigger space than heaven?? Why we human have problems in explaining what is right or wrong to the others??
Why?
Why?
Why?
I don't wanna answer these questions, this is way too far beyond my intelligence to answer it.
En Yi told me to have faith and actually I have nothing but only simple faith towards God.
Is this too sensitive to be discussed?? Sorry if you think this is sensitive~
Happy Valentine to all~
Thursday, February 10, 2011
我忍。。。and stand still
How come huh one day can happen so many things?? My life just like riding the roller coaster neh......up and down, up and down, and down to hell at the end.
The ceiling fan in my room was not functioning WELL in the past couple of days. And then this morning, danggg...it stopped doing its duty. Ok, fine....I went to the warden's room and see what she could do for me. She said their technicians don't know how to fix this kind of MINOR problem wor....they only know how to fix if there is any BIG thing happen wor....Sweat lor....for them, that broken ceiling fan is minor problem then ask them to sleep in my room la. Ok again, I took her EXPLANATION and asked for room changing. She said she will arrange me to stay at 5th floor. Aunty!!!! Why 5th floor since many empty rooms at 1st floor. I am not looking for a place to commit suicide leh, you don't need to do such a good deed. I really felt wanna cry at that moment because my legs are already injured, and I need to walk 10 minutes to get to my classroom....and now, I need to CRAWL 5 tingkattttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
After my class, I went to see another warden to take the key. When I reached the room, tell you what, the room is even worse. The cupboard is broken and the bed is smelly. And there are some dunno-what insects under the bed. In conclusion, it looks more like a haunted house lor.
Then I decided not to relocate and will buy a standing fan on this weekend. This is the best I can do.
This is just the first part .....but now I'm out of energy, I wanna sleep ald. Talk again next time. Tata.
The ceiling fan in my room was not functioning WELL in the past couple of days. And then this morning, danggg...it stopped doing its duty. Ok, fine....I went to the warden's room and see what she could do for me. She said their technicians don't know how to fix this kind of MINOR problem wor....they only know how to fix if there is any BIG thing happen wor....Sweat lor....for them, that broken ceiling fan is minor problem then ask them to sleep in my room la. Ok again, I took her EXPLANATION and asked for room changing. She said she will arrange me to stay at 5th floor. Aunty!!!! Why 5th floor since many empty rooms at 1st floor. I am not looking for a place to commit suicide leh, you don't need to do such a good deed. I really felt wanna cry at that moment because my legs are already injured, and I need to walk 10 minutes to get to my classroom....and now, I need to CRAWL 5 tingkattttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
After my class, I went to see another warden to take the key. When I reached the room, tell you what, the room is even worse. The cupboard is broken and the bed is smelly. And there are some dunno-what insects under the bed. In conclusion, it looks more like a haunted house lor.
Then I decided not to relocate and will buy a standing fan on this weekend. This is the best I can do.
This is just the first part .....but now I'm out of energy, I wanna sleep ald. Talk again next time. Tata.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
another day in campus~
I seldom write my blog like this three times in a week. Probably I am bored.......and want to talk to myself more.
For those people who always visit my blog, sorry ya....keep babbling in these few days.
Today, I had my class from 7.45am until 5.30pm, it was damn tiring.
The lecturers' accent was terrible, very few info got into my brain.
But I still pretended that I understood all, and keep nodding my head.
and after that.....memancing~
Luckily, the coffee is great, the food is also not bad at the cafe.
I had a little chat with the students who are studying music, and they are willing to teach me piano, how excited is it.
God, are they the angels You send to me?? :)
After 5.30pm, I had to go to the field to attend my curriculum --- tennis and baseball
It was quite fun and it spent all my energy in just two hours.
I have left my comfort zone, I feel very very UNCOMFORTABLE and UNEASY now, however, I am very excited and grateful.....because these are the thing that I prayed to get in this year, and now I got it. What I had uttered to God has become true...what I can say....WOW~
For those people who always visit my blog, sorry ya....keep babbling in these few days.
Today, I had my class from 7.45am until 5.30pm, it was damn tiring.
The lecturers' accent was terrible, very few info got into my brain.
But I still pretended that I understood all, and keep nodding my head.
and after that.....memancing~
Luckily, the coffee is great, the food is also not bad at the cafe.
I had a little chat with the students who are studying music, and they are willing to teach me piano, how excited is it.
God, are they the angels You send to me?? :)
After 5.30pm, I had to go to the field to attend my curriculum --- tennis and baseball
It was quite fun and it spent all my energy in just two hours.
I have left my comfort zone, I feel very very UNCOMFORTABLE and UNEASY now, however, I am very excited and grateful.....because these are the thing that I prayed to get in this year, and now I got it. What I had uttered to God has become true...what I can say....WOW~
Monday, February 7, 2011
Back to campus~
This evening, I was having my solitary walk in my campus, watching the jogging students and also some people playing tennis in the court. I could only feel the peace when I am alone.
Thinking about my future, I felt many uncertainties are going to happen, the sense of insecurity was coming up to my throat, this feeling really killing me.
I also thought of my mum. I don't why she loves me so much, God also knows I am her most rebellious child but she still loves me. I promise to myself at that moment that I am going to love her more in the coming future.
While I am still in my Chinese New Year mood, the environment once again forces me back into the reality.
Life is life~
Thinking about my future, I felt many uncertainties are going to happen, the sense of insecurity was coming up to my throat, this feeling really killing me.
I also thought of my mum. I don't why she loves me so much, God also knows I am her most rebellious child but she still loves me. I promise to myself at that moment that I am going to love her more in the coming future.
While I am still in my Chinese New Year mood, the environment once again forces me back into the reality.
Life is life~
Saturday, February 5, 2011
12.39am
I just wanna record this moment.
I wanna say I am happy to be myself, JUST MYSELF.
I hate of being nice, humble, and friendly to those people that I don't like.
Yes!!!!!!!! I am an arrogant, cocky and rude person. I REALLY AM.
I know we need to grow up sometimes and be mature, but I decided not to change until I think it is the time.
Ok, sleep~
I wanna say I am happy to be myself, JUST MYSELF.
I hate of being nice, humble, and friendly to those people that I don't like.
Yes!!!!!!!! I am an arrogant, cocky and rude person. I REALLY AM.
I know we need to grow up sometimes and be mature, but I decided not to change until I think it is the time.
Ok, sleep~
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
My plan and some wishes
My KU just sent me the timetable and I am so shocked to see the arrangement. The study time is so packed and we also need to go to the tennis court right after the classes....EVERYDAY!!!!!
This is still ok la, still under my expectation. But the sad thing is they will not allow us to leave Malaysia until we finish the course. Mamamia.......I plan to go to Hong Kong or Taiwan with my sister this Jun leh.....I think this time I have no choice loo.....I have to give up my trips...
And my seniors also gave us some PREVIEWS before the school starts. They said we are not going to have extra time for entertainments and need to spend most of the time finishing our assignments. Oh God, this spoils my another plan....I plan to read 25 English books and 25 Chinese books this year. Ok loo....my 2011 will be a NO BOOKS year. NO TRIPS year. NO FUN year.
PARISSSSSS.....wait for me....I will go visit you right after I earn my own money...
I want to visit so many places but my life is so much affected by MONEY....
Takkan I still ask my parents for money at my age...
Be strong, Elyse....you'll be there..
Chinese New Year is coming SOON, there are some people that I will miss in this red season. Jane, Enyi and Ceek Chean..I miss you guys always as usual. I hope the coming year you all will be in a good condition and get the jobs that you all like. Not forget to mention this, hope you all will find your soul mates in this year :) I always believe that good people come with good fortunes.
Miss Esther Chin, welcome back to the blog world, miss you once in while *serious* Although I am not one of the members in the 'corner lot', I miss the laughs and the fun created by you guys. I know your life in the new environment must be very miserable and need guidance sometimes. Maybe we are not besides you but God always do. Believe in Him and yourself, I think you'll not feel lonely along the path.
Adeline, we seldom talked but I know so many things about you through your blog. So, I consider myself as your close friend in the blog world. Quite worry about you after I read your recent posts. I have never experienced that before but the feeling of almost losing of our live must be very painful and frightening. I can't do anything but can only give you supports here and pray for you. Hope you can also celebrate Chinese New Year during your hard time.
P/S: The raining days make me sick :(
This is still ok la, still under my expectation. But the sad thing is they will not allow us to leave Malaysia until we finish the course. Mamamia.......I plan to go to Hong Kong or Taiwan with my sister this Jun leh.....I think this time I have no choice loo.....I have to give up my trips...
And my seniors also gave us some PREVIEWS before the school starts. They said we are not going to have extra time for entertainments and need to spend most of the time finishing our assignments. Oh God, this spoils my another plan....I plan to read 25 English books and 25 Chinese books this year. Ok loo....my 2011 will be a NO BOOKS year. NO TRIPS year. NO FUN year.
PARISSSSSS.....wait for me....I will go visit you right after I earn my own money...
I want to visit so many places but my life is so much affected by MONEY....
Takkan I still ask my parents for money at my age...
Be strong, Elyse....you'll be there..
Chinese New Year is coming SOON, there are some people that I will miss in this red season. Jane, Enyi and Ceek Chean..I miss you guys always as usual. I hope the coming year you all will be in a good condition and get the jobs that you all like. Not forget to mention this, hope you all will find your soul mates in this year :) I always believe that good people come with good fortunes.
Miss Esther Chin, welcome back to the blog world, miss you once in while *serious* Although I am not one of the members in the 'corner lot', I miss the laughs and the fun created by you guys. I know your life in the new environment must be very miserable and need guidance sometimes. Maybe we are not besides you but God always do. Believe in Him and yourself, I think you'll not feel lonely along the path.
Adeline, we seldom talked but I know so many things about you through your blog. So, I consider myself as your close friend in the blog world. Quite worry about you after I read your recent posts. I have never experienced that before but the feeling of almost losing of our live must be very painful and frightening. I can't do anything but can only give you supports here and pray for you. Hope you can also celebrate Chinese New Year during your hard time.
P/S: The raining days make me sick :(
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Exam Fever
Exam is something we cannot avoid in our life. But for me, exam is one kind of humiliation to human beings. Just like I tell my teachers or lecturers that I have studied and understood every theories, but they just don't believe you and take out a piece of paper and want you to prove it.
Monday, January 10, 2011
One day trip to Mid Valley
It has been a while I didn't go back to PJ.
Last week, we had our ji mui gathering at Mid Valley.
I planned to take a lot of pictures but ended up with only 4 pictures.
Whyyyyy?? Because we were too busy doing our shopping and I also forgot to press the camera button.
Anyway, just share those pictures with you guys la~
We were on our way to KL. The weather was fine.
We had our lunch at Sushi TEI. I didn't try the sushi because you know, I just don't like it. I ordered Ramen.
You see, their face were not so friendly at that time because they were so famished and had no mood to take picture. Haha
Yik Hong and I. She was late that day......but still look marvelous~
Last week, we had our ji mui gathering at Mid Valley.
I planned to take a lot of pictures but ended up with only 4 pictures.
Whyyyyy?? Because we were too busy doing our shopping and I also forgot to press the camera button.
Anyway, just share those pictures with you guys la~
We were on our way to KL. The weather was fine.
We had our lunch at Sushi TEI. I didn't try the sushi because you know, I just don't like it. I ordered Ramen.
You see, their face were not so friendly at that time because they were so famished and had no mood to take picture. Haha
Yik Hong and I. She was late that day......but still look marvelous~
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